Thanksgiving Update

Well first of all I have to say that I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving and I would like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! Secondly, I will be updating you all on how my semester is going, what's going on with Creative Ellusions, plus a few other updates!

First of all I would like to let you all know that for the last 6-8 months I have been helping out with helping my gma take care of her brother who died Thursday, November 25, 2010 at 8:32a. I say prayer for him and my family as we grieve the loss but cherish everything he taught us. I love and miss you already Uncle Lenoard. May you rest in peace!

Of course you all know that I have been going to college since August so sometimes my homework has my attention so its been kinda hard to fit in a quick update or by time I get to it I run out of energy! But I have been doing really well in all my classes! I am doing fairly well in POLSC 151 which I am somewhat surprised by my grade but I am doing the best I can. HUMAN 250 has been a tough class so far because the professor has no structure what-so-ever! Upon talking to others in the class they feel the same, don't get me wrong the professor does have some cool ways of making some classes really fun, but when he does lectures he has no structure. Of course, CIS 130 I am passing with a high A...big surprise because that's my specialty! But the class that has surprised me the most is MATH 121...I have the highest score in the class!! And to think I thought math was my weakest subject.


Well on the other event I have been doing some major planning for Creative Ellusions. Just a little bit of background on Creative Ellusions: It's a business that I started doing plans for the instant I graduated from High school. I have complete ownership in the business though I have not gotten a license yet for it. Right now I am working a little freelance under it. Most the work that I have been doing is all going to be copyrighted by both Creative Ellusions and myself! I have gotten a draft contract all written up, I have a database all set up and I do have small clientele that does include family. I do not earn nothing from it yet but I am in the workings to make that possible. Since I am majoring in Web & Graphic Design the primary service will be those two but I do have many other services available! (Website coming soon)


As for "The Official Site of Mandi Davis" this is now going to be known as "Mandi's Notebook" indefinitely! It dawned on me just moments ago. A couple days ago it was inspired by my mother who was telling a relative "She's always had a notebook and pen with her every where she goes." So because this blog contains what a notebook I'd carry around would it fits my personal site really well. Not only will it contain blogs but it will also contain some of my writings, personal work I do on the side outside Creative Ellusions, and miscellaneous things! I am working on getting the website together even though I have no designs thought of. So until now, this will be my website and I will have a re-launching later!! Depending on my research and plans, I may be moving this back to WordPress. When that happens I will keep you all updated.


Thanks for checking up on us!

The Last Song (Book)

The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks
Paperback, 464 pages
Grand Central Publishing
First Publishing 2009 [March 2010] Second Publishing

Seventeen-year-old Veronica 'Ronnie' Miller's life was turned upside-down when her parents divorced and her father moved from New York City to Wilmington, North Carolina. Three years later, she remains angry and alienated from her parents, especially her father ...until her mother decides it would be in everyone's best interest if she spent the summer in Wilmington with him. Ronnie's father, a former concert pianist and teacher, is living a quiet life in the beach town, immersed in creating a work of art that will become the centerpiece of a local church. The tale that unfolds is an unforgettable story about love in its myriad forms - first love, the love between parents and children - that demonstrates, as only a Nicholas Sparks novel can, the many ways that deeply felt relationships can break our hearts ...and heal them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The last song has to have been the best book that I have read all summer. It really does live up to the description. From the moment that I started reading this book I felt connected with the main character, Ronnie. Granted I may have not had the type of life that she had, but I can relate to how she felt. Not only did I instantly connect with the character but the entire story had me on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen. Nicholas Sparks has always had a way to intrigue me with the connections to how love should be but also has a quote or two in most of his books that I relate with.

Rating: *****

Still Alive, Just Busy with Brainstorming

Just a quick update to let you know that I am still hear, I have just been busy with getting back to school [full-time], work [part-time], helping family out, having a relationship, and trying to get back into work for Primerica on top of all this. Summer has always been a busy season but it seems that since I have graduated High School life itself has gotten a lot busier, chaotic, and active! I have done a lot of growing up and I have to say that I am proud with all the lessons that I have learned in my life so far. I have done many things wrong in the past but the things that have been going on lately has made life the more meaningful!! I am glad to have wonderful people in my life and those people know who they are!!

I just wanted to let you all know that things keep going great with Andrew and I am glad that I have him in my life!! I have recently found out that anything that has happened in my day I cannot wait to share with him. Not only that but each night I get to talk to him on the phone makes it special. I haven't seen him in two weeks so I have been busy trying to get it to were I can see him before I get really busy. On top of this blog I got a social life but soon things are gonna keep getting updated.

I am working in a system were I keep this updated more but for now this is all I needed to let you all know at the time!!!

Full-Time Student, 2 Part-Time Jobs with a Relationship on the Side

Well I noticed it has been a while since I have posted anything so I figured I'd take the time out of my busy day to let you all know the latest changes that are going on with not only me, but things that I usually have been talking about on here. Another thing is that I am sure that you've noticed the difference in the layout and even the link. Before most question yes I moved from WordPress to Blogger (a.k.a BlogSpot) and its all because I wasn't happy with the theme's. I couldn't get the feel for the themes over there and plus I still wasn't getting comfy with some of the features and the limited stuff I could do. But most of all this is just a blog telling you all about things that are going to be coming into play.

First is that I am getting back into something that I started to do about a year and a half ago but had to give up after my uncle died. It's not just something, its pretty much what I felt was an answer to my prayers that I still see are a little blurry still at a bit but I am starting to see things get clearer each time. I believe that I have mentioned Primerica once before but its company that I started working with back in February of 2008. I didn't want to give up but a month after I signed up my uncle was killed in a motorcycle accident [see RIP Hollis Wayne Hurst Jr (June 14, 1961 - March 14, 2009] and my family needed me more than anything. But with my family, and not just my family but Andrew, wanting me to better myself I am doing that part-time on top of going to school full-time while still working at Meijer part-time. I'll talk more about Primerica as it goes on and I am hoping to get out of Meijer if possible.

Another thing I am looking forward to is college starting back up!! I think I have mentioned before that I finally got things settled to were I was finally ellgible for the Pell Grant so with that I am going back to school full-time at Monroe County Community College were I am going to major in Media Arts and I am minoring in Business. The Fall 2010 semester for me starts August 30th and goes to December 13th. I have classes Monday and Wednesday's that very from the time of 2p to 9p. The classes that I am enrolled in are CIS 130 Introduction to Computers, MATH 121 Technical Math, POLSC 151 Introduction to Political Science, and HUMAN 250 Visual Media Literacy. Now my last couple of semesters were two classes less only because I was only able to afford that but now since I don't have the greatest job that I use to have I had to ask for help for this school year and now that I'm able to be a full-time student I can take more. So I can't wait for college to start because it's been 2 years since I've been to school so I'm really pumped!!

On top of going to school full-time and trying to get my career change to Primerica I'll be going back to work at Meijer as soon as I am cleared to go back from the doctor. I tell you the summer didn't start off right but I have a funny feeling that things are going to start getting better. I am sure that if God didn't want me to get out of Meijer he wouldn't have made the summer go the way he did. How come I'm not working this summer? Well it all start with me popping my knee at the Detroit Hoedown and it got to the point were it caused severe knee pain. Thankfully when I go back to Meijer I have to tell them that I have to go part-time starting immediately because I am going back to school part-time. I am not sure how it's going to work but I am putting my faith into God and letting him guide me down this path that will be exhausting.

On top of being a full-time student with having two part-time jobs I have time to have a nice and steady relationship with Andrew. This is a totally different relationship because he supports me in everything I am doing and realizes there may be times were we won't be able to talk but he has faith in not only me but our relationship and tells me that all this will benefit us. Okay maybe he alone don't say that but with me explaining that I'm not only doing this to try to better my life and our future together that [yes we've only been together for close to a month, we are slowly planning our future] we wish to have. I am sure you have all either read or even seen me throughout but ever since Andrew and I started talking we both have felt a strong connection. We have been taking it very slowly because we want the same things and want to make sure we are not pushing each other into doing anything we don't want to do.

I would have to say that I have to be thankful to have Andrew in my life because he has helped me find the person that I am. He knows the right things to say to make me laugh, knows when I am not myself, and even has the ability to piss me off one moment [not to bad yet but I'm sure we'll have our moments] and then put a smile back on my face the next. There is something about Andrew that makes me love him and I don't know what it is yet. With the other guys I dated I have never gotten the feeling I have with Andrew. It's like I have tweeted before "Everyone has a soulmate, you just have to be patient while on the search and once you find the one, you'll know" and I completely 100% sure that I have completely found the one. I just have to convince everyone that I have found the one and if no one wants to believe me then I'll prove to them that he means a lot to me then any other guy that I've dated!!

Most of you also know how my relationship was with God about 3 years ago. Well I tried promising myself when I got engaged the first time and was going to college that I wasn't gonna let anything ruin my relationship with God...well I kind of sinned big time on that one but with the help of Andrew I have found my relationship, and I mean my true relationship, with God and I am getting better at just letting him show me down the right path and without that I wouldn't be were I am today. I just have to say that if you had a relationship with God and things got rough for you like they did for me...don't give up! Things WILL get better. Look at me, I wasn't making the best decision...but now that I have the right people in my life that God wanted here I am back on the right path.

I just have to say that if your life isn't the way you imagined them...look at me my last year was a rough one and it took one person to enter my life, remind me that God will help me in my life if I gave it to him and I am getting back on my feet. If that's you I will pray for you!! Don't give up...just do what you need to do to better. All you need is ONE person!!

My Organized Chaos Life: The Newest News

Well most of you who keep up on here know that I am a busy person. Some know that I am struggling in life and some know that I am also happy. Many don't know the full story, all don't know the whole detail. I am a person of not being afraid to tell anyone anything that they want to know...but I will let you know when I don't want to go into full detail. But there are just some things that just have to be in full detail for people to imagine what I am going through. This blog helps me out with that and that's what I love about some of you people who comment on anything and give me good remarks or even advice, I do take in affect and take in your advice...I won't follow it all the time to be honest.

Getting back on task I do have to say that the last two weeks with getting to know Andrew [yes this is my newest boyfriend and we are not making any big moves until we both have the same answer] has been the best two weeks ever. I love how he understands me and how I can understand him as well. I will not lie and tell you that I honestly meet him online and yes I was careful when I first started talking to him. Once I got comfortable with him was when I got the connection that both of us felt instantly. But if most of you are thinking that I may be going to fast...I disagree because we do have a distance in the relationship, we are both working on giving each other our full 100% trust but I know he's different then all my other exes because he doesn't push me and is willing to wait when I am ready.

The site that I meet Andrew on was OkCupid. A friend of mine had told me about the site when I had left my ex but I wasn't in any mood at the time to start jumping into anything until I knew that I needed to prove to myself that it was time. Had it been my ex that broke up with me I may have not joined the site within a month but because I left him and I knew that it was time for me to move on, I am glad that the night I joined OkCupid was the night I meet Andrew! Why? I wouldn't be happy today if I didn't join the site! Back on topic again, I get a message from Andrew and we start talking. We connect instantly and ask each other out. We both say yes and continue to talk on the phone each day.

Remember how I said I like to be honest, well I won't lie and say that we haven't talked about the future or even given each other support on trying to get back into college or finding better jobs!! Cause we have and actually are. Since my knee went out plus with talking to Andrew and really being able to connect with God again [yes I said it I have found my relationship back with God with getting together with Andrew] plus with me going back to college that it be time for me to seek a better stable part-time job while going back to school. Well this is were the support from Andrew is coming in great.

I don't quite remembering talking about my "short" employment with Primerica but I was employed by them and recently thought about giving it another try but didn't have the support about a month ago that I do now! Well little did I not know that my aunt [who I am very close to] just hired into that company and she wants to get me back into there!! I told Andrew that I have even given it thought and heard my mother tell my aunt that she would support me [and I am sure she would as long as I listened to what needed to be done]. Well Tuesday I am going to the opportunity meeting to talk it over with my RVP and even the people who may support me [and most of them already do] about setting up a way to help me out with getting this back in line. So I am hoping that things go good with Primerica because I may be back with working with them. So this is the next big step I have made since leaving my ex [having Andrew along for the right is just a plus plus plus].

Another great thing [even though I signed up for the classes before meeting Andrew] is that I am going back to college at Monroe County Community College at the end of the month. I am majoring in Media Arts and minoring in Business. This semester I am two credits shy of being full-time but next semester [Winter 2010] I may end up going full-time. My class schedule is as follows: POLSC 151 Introduction to Political Science, Monday and Wednesday's 2-3:25p; CIS 130 Introduction to Computers, Monday and Wednesday's 5-6:55p; and MATH 121 Technical Math, Monday and Wednesday's 7-8:55p. Classes start August 30 and go to December 13th. Andrew fully supports me and is glad to see that I am going to college to do something that I love. He himself is also a college student!

But not only do I have things to look forward to, I also have my hardships in which Andrew is seeing all the stress that they are causing me. Not only am I not bringing home any income he understands that I hate it and that its pain and a knee problem that is causing me to not work. When I went to the hoedown I ended up popping out me knee, being off for a month and having no pain. Well I went back for two weeks and ended up popping my knee out again. The doctor tells me that I have dislocated my knee cap and that the pain may always be there. Funny thing about that is that he asked me what I did then he asked me, "Are you looking for new employment?" I did give him my honest answer which just so happen to be a yes. This is just more details as to why I am seeking back employment to Primerica.

Not only am I going through the hardship with my knee but my ex is starting to cause me trouble...okay causing trouble may not be the right way to describe it. Its more hurt because he is not living up to his part of the deal since getting all his things back because I was stupidly caringly willingly gave him stuff back without getting the thing that meaned the most to me...MY DIGNITY!!! So since I have something that needs to be paid by him, and given back by him...I'm gonna make him wish he wouldn't have cheated on me. Better yet there are things I know that I am not in any position to tell him but I know that he''s not no better then what he seems. [*Note* It does hurt me to say that I honestly don't see friendship between him and I but I just can't because he just isn't the same person I knew].

With all these emotion, yes this has all been going through my mind, I have to say that with meeting Andrew and Andrew giving me all the support that things are getting better and with having him in my life just makes me this happy as well as him, I'm not wanting the feeling to end. I honestly can't tell you the last time I've felt like this but I have to say that it has been honestly a good 8+ years and I don't want the feeling to end. So even if I take my relationship at a speed that is good for me...please just be happy. If you want to give your advice I won't stop you, I welcome it. Whether I listen...well that will just have to be another blog!

Changes: Good vs. Bad

Well most of you really have no clue as to who I am and are clueless as to why I blog and why I am so avid with this blog. It has been my avid dream to have my own website, business, and do good in life doing what I love to do. That is why this and Creative Ellusions has been a huge project to me after graduation. Well my love for computers has to start way before graduation and probably even began while I was in middle school. All because my father found it the only thing that brought us close and because it was something that interested me to the point that if I continued to ask questions, he'd answer and I'd make him proud. Which was why after a while I kept telling myself that I was going to go to college for a degree that had to deal with messing with computers.

Well graduation (Sunday, June 3, 2007) was coming quicker and quicker. I knew with the way I acted in High School that I probably wouldn't get a free ride to college on a scholarship for sports and good academics, all because I hardly applied myself my freshman year and had a hard time barely getting back on the good in the academics my Sophomore year. But I made the best with the $500 scholarship that I had received for College just days before my graduation ceremony. Graduation came and I was the proud that I had finally reached my goal of just graduating High School.

Well a couple days after graduating from High School, my mom had me fill out an application at a job she was working at that I just so happen to get a job offer from the day I turned 18 and 10 days later started. I started working at this place on August 1, 2007 and by August 15th I was enrolled into College and had college classes started by August 31st. Things were changing good for me. I had a full time job, was going to school part-time, still single and not letting things get in the way. That's when I meet Zac [my first fiance].

Don't get me wrong I did love Zac the whole time I was in a relationship with him. But I do have to admit that I was blind the whole time I was with him and he was using me for the money. I do have to admit though he was really supportive over me and did have a heart for me but once he realized that my dreams were coming true and that I was happy, he used that to his advantage. He got phones out of me, love, sex, everything that he could imagine. Don't get me wrong with my good choices I was trying to get him to get his life back on track and it was working to a degree. Worked all the way until we moved to Toledo together, he stopped taking my medicine and saw that he was starting to ruin me.

Mind you by this point I had quit my full-time job and was officially jobless [for an enitre month], broke, and starting to worry whether I could go back to College for a second year. I did however earn 6 college credits when I was with Zac. So when I moved back to my parents after he dumped for me trying to make my dreams come true while trying to make a life with a man that I was engaged too. I ended up getting my job back at McDonald's, and then that's when I hook up with a good friend from church, Scott.

Scott was the second guy that I got serious with since graduation. He's the second fiance that I thought was going to a good guy. Shortly after hooking up with Scott I got hired into Kroger were I had a new start at a new job that I was hoping would get me far in life. I was also starting to figure out whether I could try to get back into college. A month after hooking up, Scott and I are layin in bed and he proposes. Out of the blue he just looks at me and says, "Will you marry me?" I [dumblying] say yes. Well about a week or two after Scott proposes and its made as a more official engagement on this one as the last one I start seeing the true colors of Scott. So I break up with Scott.

Now I am single again, working part-time at Kroger, and no idea on how to get back to College. I about gave up on all my dreams and figured I'd just be a part-time cashier living at my parents working on minimum wage trying to earn my way up the damn totem pole. Well then one night Chris's mom [yes his mom] is checking out and starts talking to me. Tells me that Chris is single, that she thinks he may be interested in me and that I should give him a call. So we start talking and that's when things start getting better for me!

Chris [was] that finally brought me back to realizing who I was and what I wanted to do. He made me realize that things were gonna change if I started pushing myself to believe in myself. So that's when I told myself that if he was going to stand by me in all my decisions that he may even keep finding out that I am my own person. That's when I got a better job at Meijer's and was working on getting back into college. Then things started getting worse and then we split up for a couple months.

During our split I go from part-time to full-time at Meijer and was on the midnight shift [making some good money again]. But I was starting to hang out with someone who was gonna take me down with her if I didn't change. My family was noticing, Chris started noticing [only because about a month after we split we started talking and hanging out again], and they were gonna put a stop to it. So I dumped a friend that I thought was going to be a great friend the rest of my life only because I found out something that hurt me...the person was starting to treat the guy I loved [Chris] with the utmost disrespect and was texting him to come over when I wasn't there. Thankfully Chris didn't like her [that's gonna stop that].

We finally get to Febuary 2010 and Chris asks me to stay the night at the new house [he moved to Dundee] and that's when we hook back up. Things start getting back on track, and I'm happy. I start doing more thing that I find I like. I couldn't be anymore happier!! I apply for the Pell grant and continued to be showered by Chris's love. I get a new car, new phone, new friends, and a new lookout on life. But then things started going downhill. I hear rumors that my relationship with Chris is in the ruts, that he may leave me and I fight and think things are getting better...

June comes and we prepare for my brother's graduation. A tornado swipes through Dundee June 6, 2010 at 2:17a. F2, 130-135 mph winds, 800 yards wide and pretty much covers the whole 13.5 miles of Dundee that it could. Dundee is devistated, my brothers graduation party was rained on but a success yet we find out that they canceled graduation because of the tornado. Then he graduates and as things for me and my family get better, things for Chris and I start getting worse. I glance at his phone and finds out that he may be breaking up with me again, I start feeling distant, yet he had no idea.

Today I find out that we need to come up with gas money so we can take my car to Detroit so that Chris can get to court. So he decides that he is gonna go scrapping to get the gas money. Since it was for my car I figured I'd tag along, well he stops me and I come to my parents. While at my parents I log into my college e-mail and college account and find out that I am awarded $8,325 to get back into College. Then I made a decision that I am leaving Chris because I am feeling distant. So I am back to were I can see my future and this is on GOOD CHANGE that has me happier than ever.

So as of today I am back to being a college student working on bettering myself and I couldn't be any more happier. Yes I wish I could have been able to keep Chris in my dreams but I think I'll find the right guy out there while getting my dream reached. So with this change in my life, more GOOD CHANGES are coming not only to me in life but to my dreams, this site, and my goals.

I am happy I got to share this with you and I'm glad that you listened!

Why I Went Back

So as I posted in my earlier blog, Blogging Mobile, I said I went back to the boyfriend who cheated on me and I know most of my readers were all saying that I shouldn't because I deserve better! But I have to agree to a certain degree that once a cheater, always a cheater...but with Chris I don't have to worry because he cares for me and my family! But I do realize that I have left out some details! So I'll give more details!

Chris and I have known each other for a good 5 years but didn't start getting close with each other for the last 2 years! We started talking when I dated Scott, my second ex-fiance who treated me like shit, but Scott forbidded me to hang out with him alone! Well when things ended with Scott and I, I started talking to Chris a lot! Little did I know that we both had eyes on each other for quite a while!

A month or two came along and we started texting each other constantly for two days straight and talking on the phone! Next thing led to another and we started dating! Two days after we started dating I moved into his apartment with him! Things kept getting better! About a month after we started dating I got a new job, then that's when things started getting crappy! I got sick really bad with bronchitis, then my car broke down.

Chris didn't start cheating on me until a week before we split up! What's worse is I didn't find out that he cheated on me until about a week or two after the split! What was weird when he told me about him being with the girl I was completely shocked because the girl told me she viewed him as a brother!

Things were really different during the split and I really didn't like it because I knew Chris and the Chris I saw while dating him was much sweeter then the Chris I saw! What was even weird about the whole ordeal was that the girl, her baby daddy worked with me and we were starting to get freakishly close! But we never dated!!!! There were disputes that were in court between the two and Chris and I were stuck in it as well! I learned a lot and I believe Chris did too! That's why I think that are relationship this time around is a lot different this time then the last!

It was back in November of 2009 when Chris and I started talking again! In fact, it was on Thanksgiving when we started talking again! Which is when things started making progress! We started dating in May of 2009 and around late June I realized that I had found the one I love! So that's why it was so easy to forgive him! I did let him know that I could never forget!

He has proven a lot to me that he has at least felt guilty for how things were! But he knows that I seen and heard the shit he went through and I know that would always be in the back of his mind but he enjoys taking care of me because he isn't looking to change me! I see that in his eyes whenever our eyes meet! So that's how I know that he is the one for me!

I welcome all feedback and will answer any and all questions that ya'll have! However, if I deem it to unacceptable or not comfortable for my answer, please respect my privacy! I may even contact you to answer on a private conversation! Thanks for taking time out of your day to read my post!
~Mandi Lynn~

Getting Things Off My Chest

So many times have I found myself just sitting here wishing you were in my arms and that I was in yours! It just doesn't feel right knowing that what we had was real and that you threw it away. My family and friends loved you and most of them still do. Most of them know my feelings for you still are hard. They ask me why I put up with it and I tell them that I know I shouldn't but I just have this feeling that makes me so curious. We've known each other for almost close to 5 years and didn't start getting close for the last 2 years.  I remember the day 2 years ago when we realized that we weren't to different from each other. I was engaged to my first fiance in which we both know was a complete asshole who did nothing but abuse me and treat me like a slave. I still to this day never knew why I said yes to him when clearly it didn't work out.

We were at a party celebrating a mutal friends birthday [the friend in which became my second ex-fiance in which he didn't nothing but treat me like I was just there for sex and not for love] and you left a little shortly before I arrived. I don't quite remember why but after that day I never saw you again until I was with my second fiance in which we spent a lot of time over there because to him you were his best friend in which we both now know that he's annoying as hell and immature as fuck. But the day that I feel head over heals for you was the day you showed that you'd help any friend who was in serious trouble no matter what the situation is, and to this day I wonder if you still would.

The 3 months that we were together were the best! I always had a smile on my face even if I was going through a hard time. I remember a couple nights you let me cry for 5 minutes because I missed my uncle yet when you knew I need to get stronger. I would never cry for more than 5 minutes because after the 5 minutes you looked at me and reminded me that my uncle wouldn't want me crying, he'd want me to be strong! That's what made me happy was because you'd remind me to be strong when I didn't and it made me fight the feeling. The last time I held the picture of my uncle was the last time you told me that. I've tried to cry whenever I missed him or remembered that he wasn't going to be around for the holidays but I told myself that you said I needed to be strong.

I even remember when we split. I tried to cry and you wouldn't let me. You told me that if I cried you were gonna cry and you didn't want to see neither of us cry! But we both cried anyway, which wasn't for long because we talked and split mutally and then I packed my valuable belongings and went to my sisters. I have to admit the break up was hard, especially after I found out that you cheated on me! I never got pissed, I never got angry, and I didn't want revenge. I wanted answers, yet we both needed space and we respected the space that each other needed.

Then I found out things through people that you were leaving her. I was happy because it hurt me to see that she didn't treat you the way I treated you at all. When I realized that I wondered what was going in your head. Wondered whether you regretted the decision. Yet again I found myself saying the same thing, I was wanting answers.
We started talking again around Thanksgiving and when you texted me it was relieve. Yet I walked slowly on eggshells and I still do! I can't help but find myself forgiving you for what you did but not forgetting. Almost like God's testing me and right now I think I'm winning. Cheater's, liars, and stealers never win. I don't consider you a cheater because I never caught you cheating on me. I found out through family in which they told me you told them but yet I can't find myself to believe it because it doesn't seem like its the guy I know who did it to me.
I see you for who you are inside and not who you are outside. There is a nice, caring, loving guy in the inside and your fighting the feelings because your scared to admit that you feel the same way. At the current moment I am the same but that don't change my feelings. I'm trying to move on and I'm trying to forget the stuff that made me fall in love with you, but that don't change. Obvisiously they say first loves are hard to get over...BUT YOUR NOT MY FIRST. I still feel the connection and it don't want to break. That's what makes this so hard.
I had to get that off my chest yet I know there is still more.

Changes, Updates, & More

I just would like to take the time out today to thank you back to the site or even welcome you if your a first timer!! It has been quite a while since I've updated due to things happening outside of the laptop.  Most of it has been working but there has been family issues and other things. But right now we are focusing on the site!! There are changes being made in which you will notice within a month or so!! Those will be discussed later!! But for now I must update you on a few things!!!

Updates:
I have recently within the last four months went from working at Kroger part-time to working at Meijer full-time as a produce clerk. I work the midnight shift which is fun so most of the time I've spent sleeping and working. Also I have trying to get things back to normal after my uncle passed and other things that have happened!! Also glad to mention that I have upgraded my phone to a BlackBerry so I may be able to keep up on things a lot more!!

Changes:
Changes being made to the site is the theme and banner!! I wanted to go with things that showed or has adapted to my personality. Second I am going to be changing The Words of Wisdom Campaign blog to be featured in this blog, which means that The Words of Wisdom Campaign blog will be moved onto this blog. Not only is The Words of Widsom Campaign moving to this site but so are many reviews!! I will find a way to make all previous reviews I have done [whether they be posted on the review site, this site, or any other site] available on this site by July 2010!! Most of my changes I am hoping to have started by January 1, 2010 and have them completely or always on this site by July 2010.

As a small disclaimer I do want to say that this site will be keep organized to the best that I can have it. I would like your feed back and in that case, I may have a feedback page!! I just want to leave you on a small little thought of the day:
When life knocks you down, get back up and fight harder

A New Writing Idea

So last night I was working on falling asleep when all I could think about was how much I missed this guy. A guy who is the one I could tell anything to, one I would love to cuddle up to at night and all that juicy stuff. But anywho thats when I got the idea to do another writing thing [which might require another blog but I'm sure I can deal] that includes writing memorandiums of things that go on in my everday life. But that just something that came to mind.

Its not that I am not bored with writing because I already have two novels that are ready to be edited and published; one that I am working on that is a sequel to the two novels waiting to be published; a true story type deal on how to survive teenage years but I am sure that I can try to make all of it work for me to were I can get those published soon [if not I will find a way to get them out to everyone]. But when I am bored I love to write.

Well that's all for now.

Valentine's Day Part II

Well as I mentioned in my last entry that Valentine's Day is my parents 20th anniversary and I have to say that my parents had a wonderful 20th anniversary. I could say that there were a couple of flaws or almost spoliers to the plans that I incorporated with their plans but I'd be lying. One part of their plans had to be canceled due to the lack of funds but the going out to the bar was one plan that mom was not going to let ruin her anniversary.

They were planning on going out to eat at Red Lobster but since we live in Michigan (and I'm hoping most of you either have heard that Michigan isn't doing so well, or that most of you live in Michigan as well and understand the financial difficuties that most are going through) they had to cancel or postpone it to a different time. That didn't stop mom from getting a great dinner for her anniversary because her best friend (who so happens to be my godmother) saved the day and brought some ribs with her and we had BBQ ribs for dinner in which my mamma and I cleaned up the kitchen after dinner.

Mom had invited a couple of friends [in which most are family] to the local bar in town that we just started going to for drinks, celebration and fun. Well thats were I wanted most of the surprising from myself and my brother. Earlier during the week I had went to my mamma's and made a picture collage that consisted of there engagement picture [which was taken around 20 years ago!], a poem, and some roses and heart clipart. Then I went to Kroger (yes the same one that I work at) and bought a ballon that said "Happy Anniversary" and one that had "Happy Valentine's Day" cause the day to them is both. Well I had my brother ride with me to the bar and told him what it was so that he wasn't surprised to not know what HIM and I both had done for their anniversary.

Him and I even discussed when would be a good time to bring the presents into the bar and we decided to do it when we figured everyone was there (especially my mamma, aunt Patty, aunt Neine, uncle Hap, and aunt Joan) so that way everyone could see how my mom reacted. When mom opened her gift and read it the tears that came to her eyes was just a emotional for me as it was for her. Around a year ago I couldn't begin to tell you whether I thought I'd be able to do something nice for her cause I was engaged to someone that I truly loved but my parents hated in which I moved into an apartment with around April last year (which is ex-douchebag #1) and that relationship didn't end well (any who off that subject please) but it was nice to see her reaction.

Then I knew that I was going to be able to find "Have a Cigar" by Pink Floyd in the jukebox at the bar and be able to play it for them. Well I did and when mom heard it she knew I played it for her and she told everyone that this was the song that was playing when her and dad got married. Man did I surprise a lot of people when mom said that I played it for them. She just told them Mandi is always rubbing it in Dean's face that she was at the wedding. Yeah mom was around four months pregnant with me when they got married and plus dad has told me and I've watched there wedding video and have remembered that.

So all I got to say that the day went according to plan. I was happy to be able to make new memories for this Valentine's day to make up for the memories that are vaguely clear about last years. So all I want to say is Happy 20th Anniversary Mom & Dad!

As well as wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day!!

Valentine's Day

As most of you know Valentine's Day is only a day away. Most don't like, most love it, and some people don't know what to do about it. I am one of those people who love it AND don't know what to do about it. One reason I love it is because its one Holiday (and I will explain why its a Holiday for me) that I won't forget but will always cheerish. But first I want to share with you the first Valentine's that will probably mentally scar me for life. Your probably wondering why it'll mentally scar me? Well it all has to do with my ex-fiance Zachary Hess.

Zachary Hess was my first love, oh how I remember him. I meet him through an ex-boyfriend and when I first meet him I thought he was so hot (yes to say that now hurts me) and that there was something about him that attracted me to him. I didn't think that I'd have a chance to be his girlfriend but one never knew. The first time I saw him I thought would be my last time that I saw him so I just decided to be friends. About a year or so later he friend requested me on MySpace and about a couple months later he asked me out. We hooked up on Dec 14 2007 and then was engaged about two weeks later (don't say anything yet because it gets better and you'll realize why I call him ex-douchebag #1). My family never like him because he seemed etchy but since I was young, dumb, and in love I figured him and I would be together because no one (and I mean NO ONE) loved me like he did (bo...I better stop ruining it huh?). Well about two months later (Valentine's Day) was a day I could never remember. Him and I had a very stressful day because his grandma was in the hospital and it was my parents 19 year anniversary. I had work (6:30am-4:00pm) and then school (5:00pm-7pm), where he was going to be at the hospital with his grandma and meet me back at his house after I got out of school. We spent the evening together were I do not remember what we did because the memories with him are mentally abusive. The whole relationship I had with him was different but he mentally abused me...took me for granted and used me. I do know that the greatest memory I had that Valentine's day was were my mom had a Valentine's card for me at the door of my house and that I went to go see my grandma. That's the only great memory I had. I never spent the day with both of my parents for their anniversary and its something I try to always do.

February 14, 1989 is a day that I can say that I will never forget. Why? Well it's the day that my parents got married! Yes they got married on Valentine's Day. Which is why its a holiday for me. So you can only imagine that this Saturday, Feb 14th is my parents 20th anniversary. My mom was around 4 or 5 months pregnant with me, so I sorta can say that I was there with my parents when they got married. I am very proud of my parents and I am happy for them. Someday I hope that I can find a guy that makes me as happy as my dad makes my mom.

On a lighter note I just want to say that before I moved out my mom and I would always argue so sometimes it would make it hard to even be in the same room with my mom for more than 3-6 hours at a time. After moving back home my mom and I haven't had ONE huge argument since then. I am really close with my mom and I have to say that that is the bestest gift and memory that I can tell my mom this Valentine's Day. My dad on the other hand, him and I have really been tight since I can remember.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone and Happy 20th Anniversary Mom & Dad!! I'm so proud of the both of you!!

Life Getting Back on Track

Well a lot has happened that has made me realize that I just need to forget about the guys in my past and try to focus on my future. So for the last couple of days I have been working on things I was working on when I was not seeing anyone. I am finally back on things that I was on before I was with Zac or Scott and I feel absolutely happy that I feel my life getting back on track. I now want to make sure that I look positive and not think negative.

As you all know I am a Geek so I have gone back to getting back on all my sites (i.e. my own website, The WOW Campaign, Twitter, etc etc). So I just want to say that all of you who like to keep an eye on me or are proud of me you can follow me on MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc etc.

Here are all or most of the sites that you can find me at:
MySpace
Facebook
Twitter
FriendFeed
Pandora
My Blog
My Reviews
The WOW Campaign
Flickr
del.ici.ous
StephenieMeyerFan.com
If I think of anymore I guess I'll update ya when I get the chance.

Update for you all!

Hello Friends,
A lot has gone on since I last updated you so I will try and think of all what has happened and give you all one big update for now.

I went back to school for another semester in which the Winter 2008 semester start January 15 for me in which I was enrolled in two classes in which one was four credit hours and the other one was three credit hours.  Math 150 (4 Credit Hours{CH}) was getting hard for me so I withdrew from that class so that it would not ruin my GPA which currently at the moment is a 3.0 and it is better than my 2.6 GPA for High School.  English 152 (3 CH) is the class that I am still in until May 1st and that is going great.  I have only written 4 papers for it in which 3 I am turning in for my Final Portfolio.  In the English classes that I have taken and only have to take I have only had Final Portfolios and no exams.  So I am currently done with any and all papers until my next semester; which I hope is Fall 2008.

I hope that I have said this already but I am not quite sure I have said this already but Zac, my fiance, asked me to marry him about five to seven days after Christmas.  I did say yes and the date is set for sometime in July of 2010.  We are hoping that I am done with school then, if not I believe that I should be halfway done with my degree.

Also I moved out of my parents on April 1st.  Zac and I went to her on that day after I got out of school to explain to her how the apartment situation was going.  Zac and I were trying to talk to her like civilized adults.  Well, she did not want to have a civilized conversation and just went off on Zac.  I did not take that well and I started to cry.  I snapped back at her when she started to tell Zac she is not moving out and she is not quitting her $10/hr job just so she can live with you.  And she dropped out of her math class so she could spend more time with you.  She was just blaming so much on Zac that I blew up on her and told me to watch me walk the fuck out of the door.  That is exactly what I did was walk out the door.  I was devistated for hours.

But anywho, we are now in the apartment in Toledo Ohio and I am absolutely loving it here.  I am starting to get comfortable to go out and adventure on my own but before I get myself lost I at least want one of the guys to be with me when I do try and find my way around Toledo.  Toledo is such a big city that a girl like me just cannot adventure out on her own, especially at night.

Well, I think that I have updated for you guys well enough.  Actually I did miss something, I lost 40 pounds since I quit my job at McDonald's in July 2007.  I am even on my way of losing more since I have stopped eating three big meals a day and I only eat one big meal a day and snack lightly during the time between my last big meal and my next big meal.  Some days I am lucky to get a real nice snack in between meals.

Well, I guess that is it for now.
Later,
Mandabear