Full-Time Student, 2 Part-Time Jobs with a Relationship on the Side

Well I noticed it has been a while since I have posted anything so I figured I'd take the time out of my busy day to let you all know the latest changes that are going on with not only me, but things that I usually have been talking about on here. Another thing is that I am sure that you've noticed the difference in the layout and even the link. Before most question yes I moved from WordPress to Blogger (a.k.a BlogSpot) and its all because I wasn't happy with the theme's. I couldn't get the feel for the themes over there and plus I still wasn't getting comfy with some of the features and the limited stuff I could do. But most of all this is just a blog telling you all about things that are going to be coming into play.

First is that I am getting back into something that I started to do about a year and a half ago but had to give up after my uncle died. It's not just something, its pretty much what I felt was an answer to my prayers that I still see are a little blurry still at a bit but I am starting to see things get clearer each time. I believe that I have mentioned Primerica once before but its company that I started working with back in February of 2008. I didn't want to give up but a month after I signed up my uncle was killed in a motorcycle accident [see RIP Hollis Wayne Hurst Jr (June 14, 1961 - March 14, 2009] and my family needed me more than anything. But with my family, and not just my family but Andrew, wanting me to better myself I am doing that part-time on top of going to school full-time while still working at Meijer part-time. I'll talk more about Primerica as it goes on and I am hoping to get out of Meijer if possible.

Another thing I am looking forward to is college starting back up!! I think I have mentioned before that I finally got things settled to were I was finally ellgible for the Pell Grant so with that I am going back to school full-time at Monroe County Community College were I am going to major in Media Arts and I am minoring in Business. The Fall 2010 semester for me starts August 30th and goes to December 13th. I have classes Monday and Wednesday's that very from the time of 2p to 9p. The classes that I am enrolled in are CIS 130 Introduction to Computers, MATH 121 Technical Math, POLSC 151 Introduction to Political Science, and HUMAN 250 Visual Media Literacy. Now my last couple of semesters were two classes less only because I was only able to afford that but now since I don't have the greatest job that I use to have I had to ask for help for this school year and now that I'm able to be a full-time student I can take more. So I can't wait for college to start because it's been 2 years since I've been to school so I'm really pumped!!

On top of going to school full-time and trying to get my career change to Primerica I'll be going back to work at Meijer as soon as I am cleared to go back from the doctor. I tell you the summer didn't start off right but I have a funny feeling that things are going to start getting better. I am sure that if God didn't want me to get out of Meijer he wouldn't have made the summer go the way he did. How come I'm not working this summer? Well it all start with me popping my knee at the Detroit Hoedown and it got to the point were it caused severe knee pain. Thankfully when I go back to Meijer I have to tell them that I have to go part-time starting immediately because I am going back to school part-time. I am not sure how it's going to work but I am putting my faith into God and letting him guide me down this path that will be exhausting.

On top of being a full-time student with having two part-time jobs I have time to have a nice and steady relationship with Andrew. This is a totally different relationship because he supports me in everything I am doing and realizes there may be times were we won't be able to talk but he has faith in not only me but our relationship and tells me that all this will benefit us. Okay maybe he alone don't say that but with me explaining that I'm not only doing this to try to better my life and our future together that [yes we've only been together for close to a month, we are slowly planning our future] we wish to have. I am sure you have all either read or even seen me throughout but ever since Andrew and I started talking we both have felt a strong connection. We have been taking it very slowly because we want the same things and want to make sure we are not pushing each other into doing anything we don't want to do.

I would have to say that I have to be thankful to have Andrew in my life because he has helped me find the person that I am. He knows the right things to say to make me laugh, knows when I am not myself, and even has the ability to piss me off one moment [not to bad yet but I'm sure we'll have our moments] and then put a smile back on my face the next. There is something about Andrew that makes me love him and I don't know what it is yet. With the other guys I dated I have never gotten the feeling I have with Andrew. It's like I have tweeted before "Everyone has a soulmate, you just have to be patient while on the search and once you find the one, you'll know" and I completely 100% sure that I have completely found the one. I just have to convince everyone that I have found the one and if no one wants to believe me then I'll prove to them that he means a lot to me then any other guy that I've dated!!

Most of you also know how my relationship was with God about 3 years ago. Well I tried promising myself when I got engaged the first time and was going to college that I wasn't gonna let anything ruin my relationship with God...well I kind of sinned big time on that one but with the help of Andrew I have found my relationship, and I mean my true relationship, with God and I am getting better at just letting him show me down the right path and without that I wouldn't be were I am today. I just have to say that if you had a relationship with God and things got rough for you like they did for me...don't give up! Things WILL get better. Look at me, I wasn't making the best decision...but now that I have the right people in my life that God wanted here I am back on the right path.

I just have to say that if your life isn't the way you imagined them...look at me my last year was a rough one and it took one person to enter my life, remind me that God will help me in my life if I gave it to him and I am getting back on my feet. If that's you I will pray for you!! Don't give up...just do what you need to do to better. All you need is ONE person!!

My Organized Chaos Life: The Newest News

Well most of you who keep up on here know that I am a busy person. Some know that I am struggling in life and some know that I am also happy. Many don't know the full story, all don't know the whole detail. I am a person of not being afraid to tell anyone anything that they want to know...but I will let you know when I don't want to go into full detail. But there are just some things that just have to be in full detail for people to imagine what I am going through. This blog helps me out with that and that's what I love about some of you people who comment on anything and give me good remarks or even advice, I do take in affect and take in your advice...I won't follow it all the time to be honest.

Getting back on task I do have to say that the last two weeks with getting to know Andrew [yes this is my newest boyfriend and we are not making any big moves until we both have the same answer] has been the best two weeks ever. I love how he understands me and how I can understand him as well. I will not lie and tell you that I honestly meet him online and yes I was careful when I first started talking to him. Once I got comfortable with him was when I got the connection that both of us felt instantly. But if most of you are thinking that I may be going to fast...I disagree because we do have a distance in the relationship, we are both working on giving each other our full 100% trust but I know he's different then all my other exes because he doesn't push me and is willing to wait when I am ready.

The site that I meet Andrew on was OkCupid. A friend of mine had told me about the site when I had left my ex but I wasn't in any mood at the time to start jumping into anything until I knew that I needed to prove to myself that it was time. Had it been my ex that broke up with me I may have not joined the site within a month but because I left him and I knew that it was time for me to move on, I am glad that the night I joined OkCupid was the night I meet Andrew! Why? I wouldn't be happy today if I didn't join the site! Back on topic again, I get a message from Andrew and we start talking. We connect instantly and ask each other out. We both say yes and continue to talk on the phone each day.

Remember how I said I like to be honest, well I won't lie and say that we haven't talked about the future or even given each other support on trying to get back into college or finding better jobs!! Cause we have and actually are. Since my knee went out plus with talking to Andrew and really being able to connect with God again [yes I said it I have found my relationship back with God with getting together with Andrew] plus with me going back to college that it be time for me to seek a better stable part-time job while going back to school. Well this is were the support from Andrew is coming in great.

I don't quite remembering talking about my "short" employment with Primerica but I was employed by them and recently thought about giving it another try but didn't have the support about a month ago that I do now! Well little did I not know that my aunt [who I am very close to] just hired into that company and she wants to get me back into there!! I told Andrew that I have even given it thought and heard my mother tell my aunt that she would support me [and I am sure she would as long as I listened to what needed to be done]. Well Tuesday I am going to the opportunity meeting to talk it over with my RVP and even the people who may support me [and most of them already do] about setting up a way to help me out with getting this back in line. So I am hoping that things go good with Primerica because I may be back with working with them. So this is the next big step I have made since leaving my ex [having Andrew along for the right is just a plus plus plus].

Another great thing [even though I signed up for the classes before meeting Andrew] is that I am going back to college at Monroe County Community College at the end of the month. I am majoring in Media Arts and minoring in Business. This semester I am two credits shy of being full-time but next semester [Winter 2010] I may end up going full-time. My class schedule is as follows: POLSC 151 Introduction to Political Science, Monday and Wednesday's 2-3:25p; CIS 130 Introduction to Computers, Monday and Wednesday's 5-6:55p; and MATH 121 Technical Math, Monday and Wednesday's 7-8:55p. Classes start August 30 and go to December 13th. Andrew fully supports me and is glad to see that I am going to college to do something that I love. He himself is also a college student!

But not only do I have things to look forward to, I also have my hardships in which Andrew is seeing all the stress that they are causing me. Not only am I not bringing home any income he understands that I hate it and that its pain and a knee problem that is causing me to not work. When I went to the hoedown I ended up popping out me knee, being off for a month and having no pain. Well I went back for two weeks and ended up popping my knee out again. The doctor tells me that I have dislocated my knee cap and that the pain may always be there. Funny thing about that is that he asked me what I did then he asked me, "Are you looking for new employment?" I did give him my honest answer which just so happen to be a yes. This is just more details as to why I am seeking back employment to Primerica.

Not only am I going through the hardship with my knee but my ex is starting to cause me trouble...okay causing trouble may not be the right way to describe it. Its more hurt because he is not living up to his part of the deal since getting all his things back because I was stupidly caringly willingly gave him stuff back without getting the thing that meaned the most to me...MY DIGNITY!!! So since I have something that needs to be paid by him, and given back by him...I'm gonna make him wish he wouldn't have cheated on me. Better yet there are things I know that I am not in any position to tell him but I know that he''s not no better then what he seems. [*Note* It does hurt me to say that I honestly don't see friendship between him and I but I just can't because he just isn't the same person I knew].

With all these emotion, yes this has all been going through my mind, I have to say that with meeting Andrew and Andrew giving me all the support that things are getting better and with having him in my life just makes me this happy as well as him, I'm not wanting the feeling to end. I honestly can't tell you the last time I've felt like this but I have to say that it has been honestly a good 8+ years and I don't want the feeling to end. So even if I take my relationship at a speed that is good for me...please just be happy. If you want to give your advice I won't stop you, I welcome it. Whether I listen...well that will just have to be another blog!

Getting Things Off My Chest

So many times have I found myself just sitting here wishing you were in my arms and that I was in yours! It just doesn't feel right knowing that what we had was real and that you threw it away. My family and friends loved you and most of them still do. Most of them know my feelings for you still are hard. They ask me why I put up with it and I tell them that I know I shouldn't but I just have this feeling that makes me so curious. We've known each other for almost close to 5 years and didn't start getting close for the last 2 years.  I remember the day 2 years ago when we realized that we weren't to different from each other. I was engaged to my first fiance in which we both know was a complete asshole who did nothing but abuse me and treat me like a slave. I still to this day never knew why I said yes to him when clearly it didn't work out.

We were at a party celebrating a mutal friends birthday [the friend in which became my second ex-fiance in which he didn't nothing but treat me like I was just there for sex and not for love] and you left a little shortly before I arrived. I don't quite remember why but after that day I never saw you again until I was with my second fiance in which we spent a lot of time over there because to him you were his best friend in which we both now know that he's annoying as hell and immature as fuck. But the day that I feel head over heals for you was the day you showed that you'd help any friend who was in serious trouble no matter what the situation is, and to this day I wonder if you still would.

The 3 months that we were together were the best! I always had a smile on my face even if I was going through a hard time. I remember a couple nights you let me cry for 5 minutes because I missed my uncle yet when you knew I need to get stronger. I would never cry for more than 5 minutes because after the 5 minutes you looked at me and reminded me that my uncle wouldn't want me crying, he'd want me to be strong! That's what made me happy was because you'd remind me to be strong when I didn't and it made me fight the feeling. The last time I held the picture of my uncle was the last time you told me that. I've tried to cry whenever I missed him or remembered that he wasn't going to be around for the holidays but I told myself that you said I needed to be strong.

I even remember when we split. I tried to cry and you wouldn't let me. You told me that if I cried you were gonna cry and you didn't want to see neither of us cry! But we both cried anyway, which wasn't for long because we talked and split mutally and then I packed my valuable belongings and went to my sisters. I have to admit the break up was hard, especially after I found out that you cheated on me! I never got pissed, I never got angry, and I didn't want revenge. I wanted answers, yet we both needed space and we respected the space that each other needed.

Then I found out things through people that you were leaving her. I was happy because it hurt me to see that she didn't treat you the way I treated you at all. When I realized that I wondered what was going in your head. Wondered whether you regretted the decision. Yet again I found myself saying the same thing, I was wanting answers.
We started talking again around Thanksgiving and when you texted me it was relieve. Yet I walked slowly on eggshells and I still do! I can't help but find myself forgiving you for what you did but not forgetting. Almost like God's testing me and right now I think I'm winning. Cheater's, liars, and stealers never win. I don't consider you a cheater because I never caught you cheating on me. I found out through family in which they told me you told them but yet I can't find myself to believe it because it doesn't seem like its the guy I know who did it to me.
I see you for who you are inside and not who you are outside. There is a nice, caring, loving guy in the inside and your fighting the feelings because your scared to admit that you feel the same way. At the current moment I am the same but that don't change my feelings. I'm trying to move on and I'm trying to forget the stuff that made me fall in love with you, but that don't change. Obvisiously they say first loves are hard to get over...BUT YOUR NOT MY FIRST. I still feel the connection and it don't want to break. That's what makes this so hard.
I had to get that off my chest yet I know there is still more.

R.I.P. Hollis Wayne Hurst Junior (June 14, 1961 - March 14, 2009)

It seems just like yesterday that I came into the world and I knew you had to have held me plenty of times. I was the first girl among Nick, Eric, Chris, and Jon! No one knew whether there'd be anymore girls in the immediate family and once there wasn't I knew you and I would have a special bond in which we did. I was your angel because you had no daughter so I was the daughter figure in your life (other than Jenna).

I know that I already had a dad but I knew that if anything was going to happen to my dad that you would be here for me. I never had thought that you'd be gone before my dad, or even before you could have seen me have my happy day. I don't even think that we all thought that we would have to lose you this way.

One grand memory that I remember about or bond was that whenever we'd have any get together that you and I would be near each other that I knew I'd have to find my uncle Hap to come give you a hug. When I was little I would come and run and jump and give you one big huge bear hug. Now that I am not so little I would just run and find you, once I did I was in your arms forever.

I really wish you wouldn't have left right before I could have fixed things because I feel horrible because the last feeling that I got was that you were mad at me for leaving grandma's birthday with Heather. I wish I could have stayed longer or even called you sooner to talk to you so that you knew that I understood things bout Heather then what some of the other family members felt about her.

I know most people don't know bout the Nick and Heather situation (to anyone wanting to know its a family matter and that this is just my tribute to my uncle I am doing) but I am hoping that you still love me and wasn't horrifically pissed at me before you died because I just hope and pray we didn't depart on wrong terms. Right now its hard for me to let go and grasp the fact that your dead cause I'm thinking its one huge nightmare that you'll walk through this door telling me to come and give you a hug and that I just had a nightmare...BUT ITS NOT!!!

I just want you to know that I miss you terribly and that I'll always have a piece of you in my heart!

R.I.P. Uncle Hap
Love You Already,
Your Favorite and only Niece,
Mandi Lynn

I'm Fine, I Swear

To: My Friends and Family
From: Your Great Friend
Date: 3/4/09

Dear Friends and Family,
I just want to say that I thank all of you for your continual support in what I do. Yes I am hoping that things will continue to get better and I am sure that as long as I continue to have such great support in all I do I will do great. I don't want you guys to stop believing in me because then that means that you've lost faith in me and that is just the opposite I have for you. I just got to say that please don't ever lose your faith in me because I cannot lose everyones faith. Its what keeps me strong.

As for my love life I just have to say that I am not looking for anything. Justt friendships. I do not want to be hurt again because I don't think I can handle the hurt and heartache that I have felt with the last two. My first love what harder than the last one but I believe my faith got me through it. I'm just gonna stay strong and focus on my future.

Well that's all I have to say for now.

Sincerely,
Your friend

Missing You Is Hard

To: My Dearest
From: Your Sweetheart
Date: 2/18/09 22:15

I'm standing here at work thinking how nice it would be to be standing in your arms but at the moment given I am not. I've not heard from you in a couple of weeks to a month and that is also making me realize how real this time apart from you is killing me. I really long for you to also be here telling me that it is okay and that everything'll get better, but your not. I also lay awake at night wondering if you are thinking the same thing. Its been hard being away from you sice I have figured out how I feel about you.

My feelings for you have changed a lot since our eyes met each other a few odd years back. It's almost like I figured we'd just be acquaintances instead of lovers, but in fact my feelings did a 360. I never thought it'd be so hard describing our parting but it's hard not seeing you. Who would have thought taht we'd be good for each other.

I never thought that someone would take my breathe away to where I have to makes ure my heart is still pumping, but thats what it does everytime we talk on the phone, text, instant message, or e-mail. I would have thought that this wouldn't all be like this after all I have been through but it's not. I never thought that this would like me, that I'd fall hard for someone but maybe your the lucky one.

I don't like the seperation but I guess I've grown use to waiting and wondering. It's hard for me to wonder whether your feelings have changed since the last we talked. Once I see [most of the time] that it hasn't it makes the smiling, dancing like a little school girl dance, the adrenaline, and making sure I'm breathing come back to me. Theres times I wish at a certain moment that you'd know I need that text, phone call, instant message, or even e-mail to cheer me up. But nothing comes. Its hard and I guess I have to deal. I am strong and I'll make it til I hear your voice next.

I love you and miss you much,
Your sweetheart

A New Writing Idea

So last night I was working on falling asleep when all I could think about was how much I missed this guy. A guy who is the one I could tell anything to, one I would love to cuddle up to at night and all that juicy stuff. But anywho thats when I got the idea to do another writing thing [which might require another blog but I'm sure I can deal] that includes writing memorandiums of things that go on in my everday life. But that just something that came to mind.

Its not that I am not bored with writing because I already have two novels that are ready to be edited and published; one that I am working on that is a sequel to the two novels waiting to be published; a true story type deal on how to survive teenage years but I am sure that I can try to make all of it work for me to were I can get those published soon [if not I will find a way to get them out to everyone]. But when I am bored I love to write.

Well that's all for now.

Valentine's Day Part II

Well as I mentioned in my last entry that Valentine's Day is my parents 20th anniversary and I have to say that my parents had a wonderful 20th anniversary. I could say that there were a couple of flaws or almost spoliers to the plans that I incorporated with their plans but I'd be lying. One part of their plans had to be canceled due to the lack of funds but the going out to the bar was one plan that mom was not going to let ruin her anniversary.

They were planning on going out to eat at Red Lobster but since we live in Michigan (and I'm hoping most of you either have heard that Michigan isn't doing so well, or that most of you live in Michigan as well and understand the financial difficuties that most are going through) they had to cancel or postpone it to a different time. That didn't stop mom from getting a great dinner for her anniversary because her best friend (who so happens to be my godmother) saved the day and brought some ribs with her and we had BBQ ribs for dinner in which my mamma and I cleaned up the kitchen after dinner.

Mom had invited a couple of friends [in which most are family] to the local bar in town that we just started going to for drinks, celebration and fun. Well thats were I wanted most of the surprising from myself and my brother. Earlier during the week I had went to my mamma's and made a picture collage that consisted of there engagement picture [which was taken around 20 years ago!], a poem, and some roses and heart clipart. Then I went to Kroger (yes the same one that I work at) and bought a ballon that said "Happy Anniversary" and one that had "Happy Valentine's Day" cause the day to them is both. Well I had my brother ride with me to the bar and told him what it was so that he wasn't surprised to not know what HIM and I both had done for their anniversary.

Him and I even discussed when would be a good time to bring the presents into the bar and we decided to do it when we figured everyone was there (especially my mamma, aunt Patty, aunt Neine, uncle Hap, and aunt Joan) so that way everyone could see how my mom reacted. When mom opened her gift and read it the tears that came to her eyes was just a emotional for me as it was for her. Around a year ago I couldn't begin to tell you whether I thought I'd be able to do something nice for her cause I was engaged to someone that I truly loved but my parents hated in which I moved into an apartment with around April last year (which is ex-douchebag #1) and that relationship didn't end well (any who off that subject please) but it was nice to see her reaction.

Then I knew that I was going to be able to find "Have a Cigar" by Pink Floyd in the jukebox at the bar and be able to play it for them. Well I did and when mom heard it she knew I played it for her and she told everyone that this was the song that was playing when her and dad got married. Man did I surprise a lot of people when mom said that I played it for them. She just told them Mandi is always rubbing it in Dean's face that she was at the wedding. Yeah mom was around four months pregnant with me when they got married and plus dad has told me and I've watched there wedding video and have remembered that.

So all I got to say that the day went according to plan. I was happy to be able to make new memories for this Valentine's day to make up for the memories that are vaguely clear about last years. So all I want to say is Happy 20th Anniversary Mom & Dad!

As well as wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day!!

Life Getting Back on Track

Well a lot has happened that has made me realize that I just need to forget about the guys in my past and try to focus on my future. So for the last couple of days I have been working on things I was working on when I was not seeing anyone. I am finally back on things that I was on before I was with Zac or Scott and I feel absolutely happy that I feel my life getting back on track. I now want to make sure that I look positive and not think negative.

As you all know I am a Geek so I have gone back to getting back on all my sites (i.e. my own website, The WOW Campaign, Twitter, etc etc). So I just want to say that all of you who like to keep an eye on me or are proud of me you can follow me on MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc etc.

Here are all or most of the sites that you can find me at:
MySpace
Facebook
Twitter
FriendFeed
Pandora
My Blog
My Reviews
The WOW Campaign
Flickr
del.ici.ous
StephenieMeyerFan.com
If I think of anymore I guess I'll update ya when I get the chance.

Confused & Lonely; Live.Laugh.Love

Well I couldn't fall asleep right away last night and I didn't feel like powering up my laptop so I wrote this on my cell and sent it to my e-mail:

I'm confused and lonely. There are times I just wish that I knew what would happen in a couple weeks from now. But I don't! I also wish that life didn't have to be hard, confusing, lonely, or anything its not right now. The one guy that truly makes things feel better for me right now is four states away and I feel completely lost, scared, and alone 95% of the time; in which its don't not getting better. I just also can't believe that the guy I thought I loved was a phony and didn't truly love me the way I loved him. When things between him and were done I felt like I had died, my parents didn't know what to do because I worse then I was years ago. I'm not asking for sympathy right now because I played along with the game that Zac played but not 100% of it. Then when I felt healed I went to the next guy who tried to fix me but failed and made the whole bigger again, and he's not stopping by saying I cheated. I just wish that I could feel the way I did about two years ago and that I didn't throw my life away. I don't want to say that I didn't learn from my mistake because I certainly did! I just want to try to make my life better but its hard when I'm living from pay check to pay check and not getting any where in life. If only I didn't make that mistake...where would I be now? Close to making something outta my life or further than that?! All I can say is that I'm not perfect and I don't expect no one to think I am or saying that anyone is perfect because it'd be pretty shallow for anyone to say that I or you or anyone else that matter. I did learn from my mistakes; however, I don't expect anyone to go out and make the same mistake because some people handle things differently and I've been told that I handled it well because I'm strong. So I live strong, laugh often, and love much!

Right now all I can say that I look upon this mistake and just laugh. I know that my past isn't much better than the present or for the future. No one can really control what they did/do in their life because if it was possible then I'm sure everyone would be perfect; therefore, the world would be total choas. I have to say that I have been able to live my life regulary because of Philippians 4:8 (NIV) which says "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such thing." That was the first Bible verse that I have been able to keep in my head...all because of my youth pastor challenged me and knew that with what I have gone through that'd be the one that I'd think of everytime. I have to just say that I know I haven't been faithful the last two years but Jesus/God knows that I have repent and that I have made several mistakes and have forgive me because has John 14:6 (NIV) says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life."

All I am saying is that before you judge me or want to spread rumors around about things I've done in the past just remember or ask yourself do I have the time to waste to make sure that I'm not reopening something that has been closed in her life. Cause once you do say something that has been told to be let go, you'll get a fight that you WON'T WIN!

I love Zac and miss him truly

Well, I moved back home yesterday because things didn't go to well.  Zac and I are not getting married and I have a feeling that Zac and I are done with the relationship.  We are going to try and remain great friends though and I hope we do that if the relationship does not work.  I wrote a note to him and I would like for you all to be able to see.  It shows how much I love him.  Well I'll let you read it to determine stuff yourself.

Zac,
I have given so much up for you so that I could move to Toledo with you.  When I was packing my things earlier you told me that you didn't want me to come.  Well then why didn't we sit down and talk just you and me or even us with Tony about how you wanted to get this situation worked out to were none of this would have happened.

Please tell me that you know how much I gave up for you and please tell me that you still love me.  On my way home I cried and I am still crying to this moment that I am afriad that I have no more tears left because I have been crying all day.  You haven't hurt me physically but you have mentally but more emotionally.

The day that you and I started seeing each other you told me you would never leave me and I told you that I would never leave you.  I feel that I have failed you completely because I had to pack my stuff today and leave you.

Even though I might now have divorced parents or one who is an alcoholic and hurt you.  My mom did hurt me in a way that I can never get over.  Her and I constantly fought and still to this day may constantly fight.  But now that I feel I have lost you and I hope that we can find each other.

Please, just help me try to not be a bitch and if we do get back to living together because I need you right now.  I need to get better and I want you to be there every step of the way that I need the help.
Well, I hope that you'll come and get you medicine when your in town the 28th and 29th so that you can get back on it and once you get on it maybe I'll talk my parents into getting me on some medicine or I'll try to get back on my blogging or talk to you about my problems more once we get thing figured out.

I know that we can make it and I am also praying that we make it through.  I love you and will take a bullet for you.  That's how bad I love you.  This morning I wanted to talk to you and tell you what was bugging me.  The thing that was bugging me was I knew that we both needed sleep and once we started laying down, you went with Tony and Drew and I figured you'd want to stay and go to sleep.

Well since you guys took my car, I was worried it'd brake down on you so I stayed up until you guys got home so that I knew that I would not be all tired when you guys called in such.  Plus I was worried.
I love you so much that if this seperation is what will help the relationship then so be it.  Maybe it'll give us time to figure out that we still love each other because I was hoping that this relationship would never come to this.

So just please don't forget about me, if you want you can e-mail me and we can try to work things out.  I am sure we can.  I won't give up on us because if I give up then that means I am a quitter and I can't quit that easy.  I am fighting for us.

I love you Zac! Don't forget that.