I love Zac and miss him truly


Well, I moved back home yesterday because things didn't go to well.  Zac and I are not getting married and I have a feeling that Zac and I are done with the relationship.  We are going to try and remain great friends though and I hope we do that if the relationship does not work.  I wrote a note to him and I would like for you all to be able to see.  It shows how much I love him.  Well I'll let you read it to determine stuff yourself.

I have given so much up for you so that I could move to Toledo with you.  When I was packing my things earlier you told me that you didn't want me to come.  Well then why didn't we sit down and talk just you and me or even us with Tony about how you wanted to get this situation worked out to were none of this would have happened.

Please tell me that you know how much I gave up for you and please tell me that you still love me.  On my way home I cried and I am still crying to this moment that I am afriad that I have no more tears left because I have been crying all day.  You haven't hurt me physically but you have mentally but more emotionally.

The day that you and I started seeing each other you told me you would never leave me and I told you that I would never leave you.  I feel that I have failed you completely because I had to pack my stuff today and leave you.

Even though I might now have divorced parents or one who is an alcoholic and hurt you.  My mom did hurt me in a way that I can never get over.  Her and I constantly fought and still to this day may constantly fight.  But now that I feel I have lost you and I hope that we can find each other.

Please, just help me try to not be a bitch and if we do get back to living together because I need you right now.  I need to get better and I want you to be there every step of the way that I need the help.
Well, I hope that you'll come and get you medicine when your in town the 28th and 29th so that you can get back on it and once you get on it maybe I'll talk my parents into getting me on some medicine or I'll try to get back on my blogging or talk to you about my problems more once we get thing figured out.

I know that we can make it and I am also praying that we make it through.  I love you and will take a bullet for you.  That's how bad I love you.  This morning I wanted to talk to you and tell you what was bugging me.  The thing that was bugging me was I knew that we both needed sleep and once we started laying down, you went with Tony and Drew and I figured you'd want to stay and go to sleep.

Well since you guys took my car, I was worried it'd brake down on you so I stayed up until you guys got home so that I knew that I would not be all tired when you guys called in such.  Plus I was worried.
I love you so much that if this seperation is what will help the relationship then so be it.  Maybe it'll give us time to figure out that we still love each other because I was hoping that this relationship would never come to this.

So just please don't forget about me, if you want you can e-mail me and we can try to work things out.  I am sure we can.  I won't give up on us because if I give up then that means I am a quitter and I can't quit that easy.  I am fighting for us.

I love you Zac! Don't forget that.

Update for you all!


Hello Friends,
A lot has gone on since I last updated you so I will try and think of all what has happened and give you all one big update for now.

I went back to school for another semester in which the Winter 2008 semester start January 15 for me in which I was enrolled in two classes in which one was four credit hours and the other one was three credit hours.  Math 150 (4 Credit Hours{CH}) was getting hard for me so I withdrew from that class so that it would not ruin my GPA which currently at the moment is a 3.0 and it is better than my 2.6 GPA for High School.  English 152 (3 CH) is the class that I am still in until May 1st and that is going great.  I have only written 4 papers for it in which 3 I am turning in for my Final Portfolio.  In the English classes that I have taken and only have to take I have only had Final Portfolios and no exams.  So I am currently done with any and all papers until my next semester; which I hope is Fall 2008.

I hope that I have said this already but I am not quite sure I have said this already but Zac, my fiance, asked me to marry him about five to seven days after Christmas.  I did say yes and the date is set for sometime in July of 2010.  We are hoping that I am done with school then, if not I believe that I should be halfway done with my degree.

Also I moved out of my parents on April 1st.  Zac and I went to her on that day after I got out of school to explain to her how the apartment situation was going.  Zac and I were trying to talk to her like civilized adults.  Well, she did not want to have a civilized conversation and just went off on Zac.  I did not take that well and I started to cry.  I snapped back at her when she started to tell Zac she is not moving out and she is not quitting her $10/hr job just so she can live with you.  And she dropped out of her math class so she could spend more time with you.  She was just blaming so much on Zac that I blew up on her and told me to watch me walk the fuck out of the door.  That is exactly what I did was walk out the door.  I was devistated for hours.

But anywho, we are now in the apartment in Toledo Ohio and I am absolutely loving it here.  I am starting to get comfortable to go out and adventure on my own but before I get myself lost I at least want one of the guys to be with me when I do try and find my way around Toledo.  Toledo is such a big city that a girl like me just cannot adventure out on her own, especially at night.

Well, I think that I have updated for you guys well enough.  Actually I did miss something, I lost 40 pounds since I quit my job at McDonald's in July 2007.  I am even on my way of losing more since I have stopped eating three big meals a day and I only eat one big meal a day and snack lightly during the time between my last big meal and my next big meal.  Some days I am lucky to get a real nice snack in between meals.

Well, I guess that is it for now.