My Organized Chaos Life: The Newest News

Well most of you who keep up on here know that I am a busy person. Some know that I am struggling in life and some know that I am also happy. Many don't know the full story, all don't know the whole detail. I am a person of not being afraid to tell anyone anything that they want to know...but I will let you know when I don't want to go into full detail. But there are just some things that just have to be in full detail for people to imagine what I am going through. This blog helps me out with that and that's what I love about some of you people who comment on anything and give me good remarks or even advice, I do take in affect and take in your advice...I won't follow it all the time to be honest.

Getting back on task I do have to say that the last two weeks with getting to know Andrew [yes this is my newest boyfriend and we are not making any big moves until we both have the same answer] has been the best two weeks ever. I love how he understands me and how I can understand him as well. I will not lie and tell you that I honestly meet him online and yes I was careful when I first started talking to him. Once I got comfortable with him was when I got the connection that both of us felt instantly. But if most of you are thinking that I may be going to fast...I disagree because we do have a distance in the relationship, we are both working on giving each other our full 100% trust but I know he's different then all my other exes because he doesn't push me and is willing to wait when I am ready.

The site that I meet Andrew on was OkCupid. A friend of mine had told me about the site when I had left my ex but I wasn't in any mood at the time to start jumping into anything until I knew that I needed to prove to myself that it was time. Had it been my ex that broke up with me I may have not joined the site within a month but because I left him and I knew that it was time for me to move on, I am glad that the night I joined OkCupid was the night I meet Andrew! Why? I wouldn't be happy today if I didn't join the site! Back on topic again, I get a message from Andrew and we start talking. We connect instantly and ask each other out. We both say yes and continue to talk on the phone each day.

Remember how I said I like to be honest, well I won't lie and say that we haven't talked about the future or even given each other support on trying to get back into college or finding better jobs!! Cause we have and actually are. Since my knee went out plus with talking to Andrew and really being able to connect with God again [yes I said it I have found my relationship back with God with getting together with Andrew] plus with me going back to college that it be time for me to seek a better stable part-time job while going back to school. Well this is were the support from Andrew is coming in great.

I don't quite remembering talking about my "short" employment with Primerica but I was employed by them and recently thought about giving it another try but didn't have the support about a month ago that I do now! Well little did I not know that my aunt [who I am very close to] just hired into that company and she wants to get me back into there!! I told Andrew that I have even given it thought and heard my mother tell my aunt that she would support me [and I am sure she would as long as I listened to what needed to be done]. Well Tuesday I am going to the opportunity meeting to talk it over with my RVP and even the people who may support me [and most of them already do] about setting up a way to help me out with getting this back in line. So I am hoping that things go good with Primerica because I may be back with working with them. So this is the next big step I have made since leaving my ex [having Andrew along for the right is just a plus plus plus].

Another great thing [even though I signed up for the classes before meeting Andrew] is that I am going back to college at Monroe County Community College at the end of the month. I am majoring in Media Arts and minoring in Business. This semester I am two credits shy of being full-time but next semester [Winter 2010] I may end up going full-time. My class schedule is as follows: POLSC 151 Introduction to Political Science, Monday and Wednesday's 2-3:25p; CIS 130 Introduction to Computers, Monday and Wednesday's 5-6:55p; and MATH 121 Technical Math, Monday and Wednesday's 7-8:55p. Classes start August 30 and go to December 13th. Andrew fully supports me and is glad to see that I am going to college to do something that I love. He himself is also a college student!

But not only do I have things to look forward to, I also have my hardships in which Andrew is seeing all the stress that they are causing me. Not only am I not bringing home any income he understands that I hate it and that its pain and a knee problem that is causing me to not work. When I went to the hoedown I ended up popping out me knee, being off for a month and having no pain. Well I went back for two weeks and ended up popping my knee out again. The doctor tells me that I have dislocated my knee cap and that the pain may always be there. Funny thing about that is that he asked me what I did then he asked me, "Are you looking for new employment?" I did give him my honest answer which just so happen to be a yes. This is just more details as to why I am seeking back employment to Primerica.

Not only am I going through the hardship with my knee but my ex is starting to cause me trouble...okay causing trouble may not be the right way to describe it. Its more hurt because he is not living up to his part of the deal since getting all his things back because I was stupidly caringly willingly gave him stuff back without getting the thing that meaned the most to me...MY DIGNITY!!! So since I have something that needs to be paid by him, and given back by him...I'm gonna make him wish he wouldn't have cheated on me. Better yet there are things I know that I am not in any position to tell him but I know that he''s not no better then what he seems. [*Note* It does hurt me to say that I honestly don't see friendship between him and I but I just can't because he just isn't the same person I knew].

With all these emotion, yes this has all been going through my mind, I have to say that with meeting Andrew and Andrew giving me all the support that things are getting better and with having him in my life just makes me this happy as well as him, I'm not wanting the feeling to end. I honestly can't tell you the last time I've felt like this but I have to say that it has been honestly a good 8+ years and I don't want the feeling to end. So even if I take my relationship at a speed that is good for me...please just be happy. If you want to give your advice I won't stop you, I welcome it. Whether I listen...well that will just have to be another blog!

Brainstorming, Idea's, Advice

So I am hoping that everyone has been paying attention to the more recent activity going on to the website. I have to admit that in the mist of things going on in my life, the thing that has been my dream has always been one thing that has kept me from all the things that suck in life and make me get back up and keep marching. With that being the case it has me focusing on things and reaching the line of getting back into college. Which has been getting me to want to keep the site and Creative Ellusion in my dreams. So I am reviving them and kinda need help!

Yes I am asking help from all of you. No I'm not asking for you to do all the work. All I am asking for is your help in sharing your ideas, advice, or even help on brainstorming. Whether your just a friend who has no idea what to do and you'd like to see my potential or see what I can do with something you'd like to see me try, then give me that incentive and maybe it'll add some zing to the site. I don't care what you come up with, if it sounds reasonable I'll try it!! If it sounds horrible I'll be honest and brutal and let ya know. But ya never know until you say.

However there is one thing that calls for attention first!!! The name and catch phrase that I have for the site is in desperate name of being changed!! That's right I'm sure you all have been turned away from it but ya know what if ya really want to help with seeing the changes come quicker then your ideas and advice may boost up the changes and make this a great and enjoyable site that makes people come back!!

On a lighter note I would like to take the time out to update you all on my adventure back to college. I registered for my fall classes online today for Monroe County Community College. I am taking CIS 130 Introduction to Computers Monday's and Wednesday's from August 26 to December 12th were my class time is from 5:30p to 6:55p; I am also taking MATH 121 Technical Math which is also Monday's and Wednesday's from 7:00p to 8:55p. I am glad that I have been given the chance to go back to college and I am very happy.

Throughout the brainstorming, idea, and advice I will share my ideas through posts so that way I keep you all on the same page with me. But for now, I need help on the name and catch phrase. A hint is to look around the site, talk to me a time or two and you may be able to help. If it helps, got to my Facebook profile add me as a friend and let me know you found me through here [that way I don't deny ya] and we can talk there!!
Thanks,
Mandi

Getting Things Off My Chest

So many times have I found myself just sitting here wishing you were in my arms and that I was in yours! It just doesn't feel right knowing that what we had was real and that you threw it away. My family and friends loved you and most of them still do. Most of them know my feelings for you still are hard. They ask me why I put up with it and I tell them that I know I shouldn't but I just have this feeling that makes me so curious. We've known each other for almost close to 5 years and didn't start getting close for the last 2 years.  I remember the day 2 years ago when we realized that we weren't to different from each other. I was engaged to my first fiance in which we both know was a complete asshole who did nothing but abuse me and treat me like a slave. I still to this day never knew why I said yes to him when clearly it didn't work out.

We were at a party celebrating a mutal friends birthday [the friend in which became my second ex-fiance in which he didn't nothing but treat me like I was just there for sex and not for love] and you left a little shortly before I arrived. I don't quite remember why but after that day I never saw you again until I was with my second fiance in which we spent a lot of time over there because to him you were his best friend in which we both now know that he's annoying as hell and immature as fuck. But the day that I feel head over heals for you was the day you showed that you'd help any friend who was in serious trouble no matter what the situation is, and to this day I wonder if you still would.

The 3 months that we were together were the best! I always had a smile on my face even if I was going through a hard time. I remember a couple nights you let me cry for 5 minutes because I missed my uncle yet when you knew I need to get stronger. I would never cry for more than 5 minutes because after the 5 minutes you looked at me and reminded me that my uncle wouldn't want me crying, he'd want me to be strong! That's what made me happy was because you'd remind me to be strong when I didn't and it made me fight the feeling. The last time I held the picture of my uncle was the last time you told me that. I've tried to cry whenever I missed him or remembered that he wasn't going to be around for the holidays but I told myself that you said I needed to be strong.

I even remember when we split. I tried to cry and you wouldn't let me. You told me that if I cried you were gonna cry and you didn't want to see neither of us cry! But we both cried anyway, which wasn't for long because we talked and split mutally and then I packed my valuable belongings and went to my sisters. I have to admit the break up was hard, especially after I found out that you cheated on me! I never got pissed, I never got angry, and I didn't want revenge. I wanted answers, yet we both needed space and we respected the space that each other needed.

Then I found out things through people that you were leaving her. I was happy because it hurt me to see that she didn't treat you the way I treated you at all. When I realized that I wondered what was going in your head. Wondered whether you regretted the decision. Yet again I found myself saying the same thing, I was wanting answers.
We started talking again around Thanksgiving and when you texted me it was relieve. Yet I walked slowly on eggshells and I still do! I can't help but find myself forgiving you for what you did but not forgetting. Almost like God's testing me and right now I think I'm winning. Cheater's, liars, and stealers never win. I don't consider you a cheater because I never caught you cheating on me. I found out through family in which they told me you told them but yet I can't find myself to believe it because it doesn't seem like its the guy I know who did it to me.
I see you for who you are inside and not who you are outside. There is a nice, caring, loving guy in the inside and your fighting the feelings because your scared to admit that you feel the same way. At the current moment I am the same but that don't change my feelings. I'm trying to move on and I'm trying to forget the stuff that made me fall in love with you, but that don't change. Obvisiously they say first loves are hard to get over...BUT YOUR NOT MY FIRST. I still feel the connection and it don't want to break. That's what makes this so hard.
I had to get that off my chest yet I know there is still more.

Suze Orman...was on Oprah today

Suze Orman was on Oprah today and I watched it and also recorded it on the DVR because Suze Orman knows what she is talking about. I don't know why I haven't begun to keep up on Suze Orman until now but I agree with most of what Suze Orman says. Not just because she has endorced the company that I work with but because pretty much all she says is true. Most people do not know how to spend there money wiseley but if anyone was to talk to Suze about your money issues she is one person you probably need if you have horrible spending habits because she will tell you whether you should stop with the habits or not.

I have posted a link (above) for both Suze Orman as well as Oprah not only because I think that if you visit Oprah you'd learn a lot from them but because I believe that you should visit their site(s) if you are going through any type of troubles or anything.  If you think that you shouldn't take any advice from me, its not from me...it's from either Suze or Oprah and I do believe taht they could help you with any problems you have.
Well, that's all I have for now! Take Care!

 

*Note* This is ony an overview I will have a whole list of details on things she covered soon!

The Players Handbook [Update 1]

6. Met his friends yet?
Haven't met his friends after six months? How bad. One obvious sign is he keeps saying "Next week" and then next week, he goes "next week". He DEFINITELY has another girlfriend his friends already know about. You're just his bit on the side- however much he's telling you he "loves" you.

7. Secret phone calls:
Players are of course going to have more then one girl calling them, sometimes you may be out on a date, or sitting one night watching a movie and his phone goes off, he immediately looks at it and then presses ignore. When you ask who it was he replies "Oh nobody, just some friends" and then will change the subject by cuddling closer, or kissing you. Sometimes you may also be in the middle of a phone conversation and his other line will go off, he tells you hold on a minute and answers the other line, when he comes back he tells you "Sorry, just some friends trying to get a hold of me" and then continues on with the conversation you were having. If this becomes constant and you never get an idea of who is calling him, it's probably more then likely another girl.

8. Always Gotta Keep It Hush Hush:
Players always have some sort of excuse as to why you can't tell others you are dating each other. Everything about you relationship is always Hush Hush. The player will always have that one excuse as to why nobody can know you and him are seeing each other. The whole relationship is one big SECRET.

9.Relationship? Guilt Trip:
A player will always be about an unspoken bond or something special, but never about a relationship. He always wants YOU to feel special, like you're the one for him.The whole dating thing was your idea that way in the end you feel guilty that he cheated on you. Makes you feel like you did something wrong. Everything in the arrangement is about you. Never about him its all part of his guilt trip he cheated plan.

There is several different types of players, but they all have the essential characteristics listed above.
Type 1"dorky best friend didn't see him coming from a mile away":
This is the most rare and hardest to spot player and undeniably the most effective. He is sensitive, caring, supportive, and usually comes across as not very put together....a bit dorkyish and boyish. Of course he's hot, but acts as if he is the furtherest thing from it. He will see the chick-flick you've talked about for months and keeps his eyes on you when a dropped dead gorgeous model type passes by. But thats just the very core of his game. He gains your trust, love, and 99.9 % of the time full and complete access to your bed. He will even more than likely make you think that you made the first move. And because you are their "best friend" they have a "special" ring tone for your phone number, usually your favorite song!!

Type 2"OMG he really did exist i was beginning to think i imagined him":
He is the sort that blows in like a whirlwind and never sticks around for very long. There's always a long drawn out explaination and he is so amazing in bed that you immediately forgive him and forget why it was that you were mad at him in the first place. There will always be a promise that this will be the last time he leaves but by next week he will have yet again disappeared.

Type 3"okay obviously he's a player but good gawd LOOK AT HIM":
Okay we've all known this type and more than likely we've all hooked up with them, just once. They are too hard to resist. We tell ourselves no one will ever find out and justify it "rationally" once we've seen them shirtless. He knows he's hot, beyond gifted in bed, and doesn't even know the definition of the word commitment and admittedly, we don't care. Reference the song Dirty Little Secrets by All-American Rejects.

The Players Handbook

*Note:* This piece of work is only for Sparklemob girls to contribute to; however, you can comment on it and input on what you think. Sparklemobbers...I hope you have picked a color and let Lesa know as well as all the others so we don't have conflicts. To do so go to the Facebook Group or even BAE.

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The player's handbook, well that's every girl's best friend and every guy's worst nightmare. You see it gives away important details about being a guy who is a player. To really understand the player's handbook you have to know and understand the definition of a player. You can't just google for the definition of a player because ,well, lets's face it you got football players, basketball players, you got the movie The Players, it's also an acting term; so you see have to really understand the true meaning of a Player dating wise. Let's start with the definition, quite simple if you ask me.

Player (n): an individual skilled at sexual seduction, One who actively seeks out sexual partners and carries on a number of sexual affairs at the same time.

You may also find places that refer to it as a slang word, in reality, it's like slut, whore, or skank only for a guy. Now, you could be thinking well wouldn't he just be a man-whore? The answer is No. There is a clear difference between Player and Man-Whore. A man-whore is a guy who is like a prostitute aka gigolos, hustlers, and call-boys. Whatever you do, don't get the two mixed up. This handbook is going to strictly focus on a player not a man-whore.

There are several characteristics of a player that really should throw a neon sign out there, but for some reason we miss them. Maybe its the lines they throw at us but its more than likely the smokin' hot body that blinds us. And ironically, that is the first characteristic of a player....

1. The player is always smokin' hot and knows how to work it to their advantage. And because of this......generally they will rip off their shirt at the drop of a hat!! Honestly, how can we miss this as an obvious sign of a player??

2. Smooth.....painfully smooth. The lines that they spout off at the drop of a hat would mesmurize a top of the class havard graduate and make her forget her name. And i'm not talking about lines like "did it hurt when you fell from heaven??" Their lines are trickier and we never realize they are lines until after its way too late.

3. You're their one and only:
players tend to make girls feel like they are "their one and only" they spoil them with romance, whisper all the sweet nothings that we all want to hear, and make us girls feel like no one in the world can take our place. sometimes they may even go as far as showing us signs that they want to spend their lives with us and that their is a great future ahead.

4: Nicknames
Every been called a baby, sweetheart, or doll. For players its not out of affection is because they don't want to call you the wrong name. It is simple easier to use terms like baby and sweetheart. Now, sometimes it is out of affection but not all the time. For an example of a player using these terms watch the movie John Tucker Must Die

5. They make you believe anything you say:
Some players find ways to lure you into their love and once they know that they got you then they use it to your advantage. They blind you with saying they will promise things will get better or that they never intend to hurt you. With their luring words they will find a way to hook you in on every word that they say. Sometimes if they are playing so good they'll make you think they love you even if they don't. Once they know your hooked they could make the relationship last week, maybe months, even years and you not know. Some are just that cruel. But if things don't go the way they hope they'll dump you in an instant and leave you hurt, heartbroken and scarred. If your strong make sure you have the wit to play the game because sometimes it takes two to tango and you might have a chance at beating them at their own game.

StephenieMeyerFan.com Needs More Staff

Well I am not completely sure that I have told you all this but I am one of the co-webmasters (in this case me and my other co-webmaster partner say we are co-webmisses) at StephenieMeyerFan.com. We are currently in need of staff over there so if you are interested just shoot me an e-mail. But in case your wondering StephenieMeyerFan.com is about is the following:

Stephenie Meyer Fan Site pretty much a fan site giving you the latest news on Stephenie Meyer and all her workings. Not only that but you can pretty much most of anything you want on there (well I will warn ya that it is a working progress). Don't hestitate to check it out because we at SMF.com would like you to check it out before you apply for the position. We even follow along with the Twilight Saga!

Kristen, Lesa, and I would like to thank all of our fans (people who are regulars at the site) for the patience while the site was down. We had some technical difficulties,  but we fixed them and the site is back up and running.If you like the site and seem interested please send me an e-mail letting me know that you are interested and I will respond as soon as I can.

Confused, Need Advice

Ok, so most of you know that I have been going through a rough time. Zac and I have been on a space thingy in which he told me later that night when I called him after getting home whether we were still boyfriend/girlfriend and that we were just spending time to figure things out. He said yes and so I left it at that. Well I found out that he has himself listen as single and looking for a good time on his MySpace profile. It doesn't really bug me but it hurts because I love him still and I know him and I still have a chance.

The first night I figured would be the hardest night because I was not going to be in the same room or bed with him that I was for the last 22 days. But the other day I e-mailed him and told him how I felt because it was on my chest and really bugging me. So that night I went to bed but guess what, I cried myself to sleep. Of all nights to cry myself to sleep it is the night that I get everything off my chest especially e-mailing the stuff to Zac.

But now there is another person coming into the picture. Chris. He is a friend and I am not going to lie that him and I were getting close about four to five months before Zac and I started dating. Well about two weeks before things got out of hand with Zac and I, Chris e-mailed me and it was a friendly e-mail. (Yes Zac, if you read this I think I told you that Chris e-mailed me and I am sorry if I did not let you read it but I was appalled by it myself.)

Now I am starting to hang out with Chris again. The other day I went to hang out with Chris. We watched a movie (The Butterfly Effect) and during the movie he tickled me (which reminded me of Zac because Zac loved tickling me). Well after the movie I just could not help it. I started crying on Chris and the whole time I was crying I was telling Chris all that went on and more or less it was all talk about Zac.

Chris was nice and hugged me and told me that everything was going to get better and maybe this happened to let another thing happen. See Chris is very opinionated and I love it, but Zac was the same way. The whole time I was with Chris he did things that Zac did. Of course Chris is different and so is Zac. Then after I cried Chris made me smile. Zac did the same thing if I ever cried on him.

Chris reminds me of Zac and it really hurts to see him because I feel that if I get into a relationship with him all I am going to do is cry because I am thinking of Zac. Appartantly I am not over Zac and I know that Chris probably sees that. Right now I am really confused whether to wait for Zac or to just let my heart heal and see what happens with Chris.

Please what do I do? I need advice!