What If He Still Loves Me?

I hate to think its over right now because of all the feelings I have had for you in the past 6-7 months. It hurts me knowing what you did to me in the past but its definitely better than what most of my exes have done to me. Friends my ask me, if he's hurt you so much why is he such a gentleman? Well I have to admit that cheating is just wrong and I don't condone it but yet I forgave you for it. Well I may have forgiven you but I haven't forgotten. Its stuck in my head but its not in my heart. What kind of girl forgives a guy that she dated for cheating on her if she didn't truly want things to be better? Not just for her sake but because she wants to prove to everyone that she can handle things like an adult.

I did say earlier how you were a gentleman because you didn't mentally, emotionally, or physcially abuse(d) me! My previous exes has and that is why I see you as that. You treated me like a princess and made me feel like a princess. You put up with my family for almost an entire shift at my uncle's memorial party when I was at work. You did it not only because you were  my boyfriend [at the time] but because you care(d) for me and you love(d) me! I remember plenty of people coming to me and saying that you spoke highly of me and that they all liked you better than the last two. That put a smile on my face and made me feel like things were going right.

To me, things were going great! Granted I do admit we did move fast on having me live with you from day 3 but you have to admit you wanted me to stay with you every night and it was just a little easier. Again, we could have just taken it day-by-day because we weren't married, but that was one mistake I knew we both were trying to fix when my car broke down. Yes I was having major anxiety because not only was I trying to keep things strong with knowing about my uncle being killed months before. Everyone knows that I had been under stress so much last year and that my depression came back, but every time and every minute I was with you I wasn't depressed. Well I did after I could tell things weren't going so smoothly, but I was quickly changing that!!

I hate to hear myself say its over because in the back of my mind it's not. I gave you space when we broke up, we started talking again and texting like normal. Then I got this text that changed everything and I am still giving you your space because thats what we talked about. Do you honestly think that if I was totally obessed with you that I wouldn't not call three or four times a day? No that's not like me. When people ask for space I give them space. I argue with myself that I need to move on, and I know I do. But it hurts me to think about it because I ask myself the same question...
What if he still loves me?


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