Confused & Lonely; Live.Laugh.Love

Well I couldn't fall asleep right away last night and I didn't feel like powering up my laptop so I wrote this on my cell and sent it to my e-mail:

I'm confused and lonely. There are times I just wish that I knew what would happen in a couple weeks from now. But I don't! I also wish that life didn't have to be hard, confusing, lonely, or anything its not right now. The one guy that truly makes things feel better for me right now is four states away and I feel completely lost, scared, and alone 95% of the time; in which its don't not getting better. I just also can't believe that the guy I thought I loved was a phony and didn't truly love me the way I loved him. When things between him and were done I felt like I had died, my parents didn't know what to do because I worse then I was years ago. I'm not asking for sympathy right now because I played along with the game that Zac played but not 100% of it. Then when I felt healed I went to the next guy who tried to fix me but failed and made the whole bigger again, and he's not stopping by saying I cheated. I just wish that I could feel the way I did about two years ago and that I didn't throw my life away. I don't want to say that I didn't learn from my mistake because I certainly did! I just want to try to make my life better but its hard when I'm living from pay check to pay check and not getting any where in life. If only I didn't make that mistake...where would I be now? Close to making something outta my life or further than that?! All I can say is that I'm not perfect and I don't expect no one to think I am or saying that anyone is perfect because it'd be pretty shallow for anyone to say that I or you or anyone else that matter. I did learn from my mistakes; however, I don't expect anyone to go out and make the same mistake because some people handle things differently and I've been told that I handled it well because I'm strong. So I live strong, laugh often, and love much!

Right now all I can say that I look upon this mistake and just laugh. I know that my past isn't much better than the present or for the future. No one can really control what they did/do in their life because if it was possible then I'm sure everyone would be perfect; therefore, the world would be total choas. I have to say that I have been able to live my life regulary because of Philippians 4:8 (NIV) which says "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such thing." That was the first Bible verse that I have been able to keep in my head...all because of my youth pastor challenged me and knew that with what I have gone through that'd be the one that I'd think of everytime. I have to just say that I know I haven't been faithful the last two years but Jesus/God knows that I have repent and that I have made several mistakes and have forgive me because has John 14:6 (NIV) says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life."

All I am saying is that before you judge me or want to spread rumors around about things I've done in the past just remember or ask yourself do I have the time to waste to make sure that I'm not reopening something that has been closed in her life. Cause once you do say something that has been told to be let go, you'll get a fight that you WON'T WIN!

IT'S HERE!!! Plus More

Well, the Twilight movie is finally out and I have heard a lot of news that its a good movie and has heard of the many predictions of how much it'll make. Well I also said in my last blog that I might not get to see it. Well come to find out my good friend Kristi is taking me to see it and is also paying for my ticket as an earlier Christmas present. Thanks Kristi, I've been waiting for a long time to see it. So her and I made plans to see it Friday (November 28th) but since I have to work that day we decided to see it Thursday (November 27th) but now we might be seeing it Saturday (tomorrow or in actuality later today) so I am hoping that I can see it later today. I can't wait I'm so excited.

On other news, I have updated MandiDavis.com and hope that all of you who haven't checked it out will because its all designed by me! That's right, I'm a web designer and that's what I am hoping to get a degree for. But I have made major changes. Its all been designed on Adobe DreamWeaver CS3, that's such a wonderful program and since I was introduced to it in my Senior year I loved it.

But the main reason for this post is to simply vent. My friend Baber called me to ask me a question for Scott (my ex-fiance) and it pissed me off. She said that he wanted his RF adapter. OMG, WELL I CAN TELL THAT I WANT MY OTHER GAMES THAT HE LET WALK OUT OF HIS HOUSE AFTER I TOLD HIM THAT THE DO NOT LEAVE HIS HOUSE. I have some what, actually NO INTENTIONS OF RETURNING IT TO HIM UNTIL I GET MY DAMN FUCKING GAMES!!!! Then I was talking to my sister Becky and told her, if he really wanted it then we didn't he calll me himself. She merely reminded me whether I was still ready to talk to him and I told her, no not really. So she had a point there. But she did agree that me not returning it till I got my games was a good idea. So yeah, I've made up my mind and I'm sticking to it. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CHASE AFTER MY GAMES BECAUSE HE LET THEM LEAVE HIS HOUSE, HE SHOULD BE IN CHARGE OF THOSE BECAUSE I LEFT HIM IN CHARGE OF THEM. With that I am beginning to wonder if I can really trust "boyfriends" or "fiances" unless I truly know them. Both of my ex-fiances have really fucked me over or fucked me up. It just pisses me off and if they think they are getting off LUCKY, THEY MUST THINK I'M STUPID BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I'M REALLY PISSED OFF JUST THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN.

But yeah I'm done venting but not being pissed off.
Have a good weekend ya'll.

TWO DAYS!!!! & A Few Announcements

Well, its getting closer and closer to the world premier of Twilight: The Movie and I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am to see it. The night that it comes out in the United States is November 21, 2008 and I'm hoping to see it when its in theaters so that I don't have a longer wait to see it. But other than being excited for the movie to come out I am also excited to tell ya'll that I just finished reading Breaking Dawn a couple nights ago. I know that I had posted it as a status that I was done but I'm just so excited that I had to do a short review on it at http://mandidavis.com/reviews.html and I hope that ya'll check it out. Other than that I have a couple announcements.

ANNOUNCEMENT ONE:
MandiDavis.com has just launched Creative Explosions business website. That's right I am hosting my own business site. I do hope that you check it out.

ANNOUNCEMENT TWO:
With recently reading the Twilight Saga (Twilight, Book One; New Moon, Book Two; Eclipse, Book Three; and Breaking Dawn, Book Four) it has opened a new reading them into my reading interests. I am now into reading and I have found at least two new series of Vampire novels. One is The Vampire Diaries written by L.J. Smith (The Awakening, Vol I; The Struggle, Vol II; The Fury, Vol III; and Dark Reunion, Vol IV) as well as House of Night Series written by P.C Cast & Kristin Cast (Marked, Betrayed, Chosen, Untamed, Hunted). I hope that if you have taken an interest in the Twilight Saga that you at least get interested into the listed books.

ANNOUNCEMENT THREE:
Taylor Swift's new ablum Fearless is a great album. It was realeased about a week ago and so far I love the album. So far all I know is that the number one single from it is "Love Story" and I absolutely love that song that I have it as my ringtone. If you like Taylor Swift and loved/liked her first album (self-titled Taylor Swift) you'll love Fearless.

Well that's all for now.
~*Mandi Lynn*~

Sorry I've Been Gone So Long

Well it looks like it has been a while since I've written in here. The last 4-6 months have been busy and eventful and will be blogged about here soon! Just wanted to let you all know that I am doing fine giving the circumstances and events that have been taking affect. I really don't want to ruin much so I am just going to leave you all in suspense for a few days. But I do want to let you know that their could also be HUGE changes coming up within the next 2 months or so!! Check back regularly because I'll be trying to blog more often now. Don't forget you can check me out on Twitter!!

Confused, Need Advice

Ok, so most of you know that I have been going through a rough time. Zac and I have been on a space thingy in which he told me later that night when I called him after getting home whether we were still boyfriend/girlfriend and that we were just spending time to figure things out. He said yes and so I left it at that. Well I found out that he has himself listen as single and looking for a good time on his MySpace profile. It doesn't really bug me but it hurts because I love him still and I know him and I still have a chance.

The first night I figured would be the hardest night because I was not going to be in the same room or bed with him that I was for the last 22 days. But the other day I e-mailed him and told him how I felt because it was on my chest and really bugging me. So that night I went to bed but guess what, I cried myself to sleep. Of all nights to cry myself to sleep it is the night that I get everything off my chest especially e-mailing the stuff to Zac.

But now there is another person coming into the picture. Chris. He is a friend and I am not going to lie that him and I were getting close about four to five months before Zac and I started dating. Well about two weeks before things got out of hand with Zac and I, Chris e-mailed me and it was a friendly e-mail. (Yes Zac, if you read this I think I told you that Chris e-mailed me and I am sorry if I did not let you read it but I was appalled by it myself.)

Now I am starting to hang out with Chris again. The other day I went to hang out with Chris. We watched a movie (The Butterfly Effect) and during the movie he tickled me (which reminded me of Zac because Zac loved tickling me). Well after the movie I just could not help it. I started crying on Chris and the whole time I was crying I was telling Chris all that went on and more or less it was all talk about Zac.

Chris was nice and hugged me and told me that everything was going to get better and maybe this happened to let another thing happen. See Chris is very opinionated and I love it, but Zac was the same way. The whole time I was with Chris he did things that Zac did. Of course Chris is different and so is Zac. Then after I cried Chris made me smile. Zac did the same thing if I ever cried on him.

Chris reminds me of Zac and it really hurts to see him because I feel that if I get into a relationship with him all I am going to do is cry because I am thinking of Zac. Appartantly I am not over Zac and I know that Chris probably sees that. Right now I am really confused whether to wait for Zac or to just let my heart heal and see what happens with Chris.

Please what do I do? I need advice!